I apologise for my below behavior, which you are about to view. Don't question, cause I do not have an answer. Feels as though once in awhile the narcissistic side of me will surface.
There you go..
(Don't judge me G haha ily)

I want to run up a mountain top, yell into thin air, be frustrated, get annoyed with myself, jump down the devil's plunge, feel the waterfall hitting against my back, to feel the wind pass my wings, be that close to hitting hard, down vodka, take drugs, smoke viceroy, get inked, mess my life up. Sit back, take a cup of my favourtie drink at starbucks, have a cinnamon roll, pen down in black; the forgotten calling, misplaced life purpose, or simple - reason to live, take three weeks, be perfect.


Life is fragile once again.

♥ bambi forever.

Honestly, I think that my school's trying to kick me out, that's why they are giving this project, that makes me just want to slash that blade across my wrist, not even a single bit of that is exaggerating. Have you seen have fast the fireworks shoot up into the sky, that's how fast my grades are going to fall too. Isn't it just beautiful, well fuck you. Yes school's the reason for all my vulgarities. Not an excuse, but I don't speak vulgarities when school's not in.

Someone just save me already please....

GO GOGLE "LOL LIMEWIRE" & CLICK I'M FEELING LUCKY. DO IT!

<3

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

I met him on a night out.
Basement club. Small, grungy, hollowed out cocoon of fairy-lighted rooms.
He was a friend of a friend of a friend, and at first I didn't think much of him. Slightly strained conversation over one too many beers.
Later we got lost in the dancefloor, and with his hand in mine the memories get hazy.
TaxiKeysStairsBed.
I was expecting... I don't know, what I always expect. Decent, cold, impersonal.
I turned the light off.
He turned it back on.
"You look prettier with the light on" he said.
In the morning there was no quick exit. I didn't wake to the rustling of sheets, the creaking of the bed and the mumble of
"I'll see you later"
There was no ache in my chest, no bitter taste.
He kissed my head, his arm wound round my waist and fingers tangled together.
"Morning." he said.
You get used to it, I guess. Being treated like shit. You begin to lower your expectations.
I don't care if it was just a night, because that one night means more to me then so many others put together.
And it wasn't because I loved him. I barely knew him.
But suddenly it had became a lot easier for me to consider loving myself.

N

It will rain again. Perhaps due to the storms in my head, the haze in those eyes. You know how there's a period of time when there's a lack of confidence and assurance, oh wait. That's fear. When I get upset, I drown myself in self-pity even more. Pathetic - yes. That period doesn't last long though, I'll wake up fast enough to recover the damages I've made (or not), while in a cab ride or a rollercoaster ride. The wild crazy side of me will reappear; constantly wondering whether that's a good or bad thing. Maybe nobody is crazy enough to be with me, that's why I've been alone for so long. Or I'm afraid of climbing up again, building up trust and tearing down walls, to find myself falling yet again, disappointing many. You sure you want to stick through this?


The stand

We would drink coffee.
We would never talk about the past.
He would open the flue.
The birds would sing in the other room.

Life has been like a hurricane. A beautiful disaster.