How I miss those phrases coming out from my lips. It makes me feel alive, and not alone. No matter how many blessings I get now, it won't be the same, with the fact that, you made them. A million days, a zillion hours, it's just a shell living outside, well a blessed shell at least.

Looking at yourself in the mirror every morning before you go out, knowing it's another sinful day living without God, yet it seems to be just fine? I know what that's like. and trust me, it's no fun.



i fucking hate java swing!
i need a hug..

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i know you're still angry, and i'm terribly sorry for this.

<3

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"Maybe I should start to visit Starbucks everyday after school with S"
and maybe just maybe, that maybe would come in ten years down the road?

bitch i love you :)




I guessed, I've grown.

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This is for your unconditional love. Sorry.
I finally found the best song that fits our relationship.



A one night stand and a photograph
Made its way to you I took a chance
Paid the consequence
This is why I'm writing to you

Its not hard for me to say the things that you do
You bring out the best in me
When its not the best for you
It's been a long time since I didn't know
What to do
Where to go
Could we forget yesterday
Start over again

I hope that you don't mind
I'll make it up this time
Is it too late to try
It was just one lie

Baby I think I owe you one
Every time I come around you're ready for the letdown
Here I sit alone it was my fault I know
If I were you I wouldn't take me back
Just let me down, slowly please

You need to believe it when I say that
I am so so so sorry for the things I put you through
Never meant to take the trust from you
-The Letdown by The White Tie Affair


Love,
Swee

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So busy rushing assignments that I don't even have time for cny shopping. Just a week away, and so many things undone.

I'd be lying if I told you, losing you was something I could handle.


there's gonna be a, a, a party.
there's gonna be a, a, a party here tonight.

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You're a tragedy,
a queen for his majesty.
All these plans for me,
Your kingdom is crumbing.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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You became unrecognisable when I am clear. Living at the 21st century, PLEASE ACT LIKE YOU ARE LIVING IN ONE. Seriously, allow myself to settle my own "problems". You are hardly my.. close friend. There are soooo many things you don't even know about me. I am closer to the starbucks lady that serves me every morning than you.

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I allowed my mind to spin on my way home today, it's been a long time since I've been contemplating, about what's going on and everything. It was tedious. Felt like a spring cleaning all over again. Finally realised that, people's expectations are invisible yet impactful. I am nothing, literally nothing what people expect me to be. I am everything they wouldn't imagine. Yet on the outside, it's always so.. beautifully covered. And why would I do that for? Cause I do not want to hurt those that expect so high of me. I've never thought this would ever cross my mind, the reason why I am not as close to my dad as to my mom, because she has never expected me to be perfect.

I always wondered, if people know of my dirty past, would they still love me and treat me the same? Don't even try to imagine it. Some would just say, "oh that's nothing, it's common". It's not, freaking not, for me. I get disgusted by myself sometimes. Every morning, seeing my own reflection in the mirror, who ever knows what's beneath. hah what irony.

Faith, what a word, too big for me. "My faith is growing stronger in God." Someone said that to me today, I stopped there and stared into space for a moment, brought me back to where I was 3-4years ago, I said that to someone before too. It aches my heart to use the word before constantly.

I have to start reconciling with my old friends who are trying so hard to get me out with them. I am so sorry.

For once in my life (or maybe not just once), I feel that I have no one to talk to, no one I can actually spill everything out, and not judge me after that. Someone who is willing to hear the heavy burden pressing against my heart. I am falling off the edge. And I'll have to start picking up the pieces, alone, again.

It's scary how I don't recognise myself anymore.

If most people are beautiful, does that mean ugly people are adnormal. Why do people judge the minority? God did not make the majority in a way, and the minority was just accident. I know I can be mean to people sometimes, but I would be sure I won't hurt their feelings and they would know I was kidding. I simply can't stand people, who seriously think that they are high above everyone. Even if they are rich, good-looking, etc, being part of the majority, doesn't make the minority adnormal. Be sensitive to others. You don't have to walk around the streets and start criticising everyone, cause not everyone has to be the same as you. thankyou.


have to get a new diary.


Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

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my eye-candy <3

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It's 11.42pm, and I'm supposed to be on my bed reading "The Pact", but obviously, I am still @BigSplash Starbucks, sitting on the bloody couch doing nothing while my BEST classmate is helping me with EVERYTHING, well not exactly everything, cause I kinda helped him with the TOUGHEST PART. HAHAHAHAHA.

I am high. off on crack guys.

<3

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Blogging from Big Splash Starbucks. Mugging here is simply awesome, with great soft music playing behind, heavenly drinks and completely overpriced pastries. It's actually quite a fruitful time studying, for once. (okay maybe not just once) :)

I just don't get how some people can simply be so childish at the age of 18 and above. Shouldn't they get a sense of maturity the moment they reach 16, at LEAST. Maybe a little emotion control would do others a little good. It gets on my nerve.

On a lighter note, I am going to form my very own anti-gloria-chew-w/o-a-chinese-name-clan. No idea how that came along, maybe cause she decided to spend new year and late-night starbucks with SOMEOTHERPEOPLE instead of me, that's much about it.


off mugging.

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I know how they say that some people are only here for the season, but I was really hoping you weren't going to be one of them. :(

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Posting on the day of 2009. THROWING 2008 BEHIND! Not going to think about the failures, disappointments or even the good times.

I just wanna be myself in 2009. And maybe, just maybe having a more.. fruitful purpose. For some reasons; specific reasons, I actually do want to know what I want. Might not make sense to some of you, it sure does for me. Oh, that, about the-, still planning on making it grand or just simple. You know, simple is good.

I need to make new friends.. People who actually make sense and has actually conqured their childish ways. Forgot to mention, speaking like a human, ACTUAL human. Yah that's about it. About my resolutions.. NOT GONNA SHOW YOU. Hah.


Had a crazy countdown last night at shangri-la, it was dance, HOT guys, champange, cocktails, band, balloons, estacy, family, love. I was so high at the end, was dancing around orchard, wishing everyone I see, swaying my hands about the air with the balloons, with the HAPPYNEWYEAR hairband on my head. HOTEL PARTIES ROCK! HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS!

BYE 2008!
signing off on FIRSTjanuaryTWOTHOUSANDNINE,
S


a new improved modern way to feel

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